Stop Pretending Like You Have It All Figured Out

I could have easily titled this post “How To Ask For Help,” but I wanted to be more forceful.  I found inspiration for this post sitting in the living room answering emails and comments from readers.  The very cool thing about the recent growth in the Dream Big community is that I wake up to lots of comments from our friends in England, Spain, Portugal, Asia, India, Nepal, Turkey, Poland, Russia, etc. that arrive as my little head lies on my pillow and I am in lala land!  Sorry that I left some countries out, but hopefully you get the point.

I know people that act like they know lots, about lots.  Meaning they have never found a conversation that they did not feel they could contribute; regardless of the topic or their actual knowledge.  One thing about a “know it all” is that he/she tends to be very closed-minded which limits their ability and future in dramatic ways.  Because they are too busy expressing their beliefs, opinions or views, they find no time to actually consider another perspective.


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Two key thoughts come to my mind.  First, the “I have everything figured out” guy and gal are usually too busy talking or “one upping” to listen, thus drastically limiting their perspective on life.  If you recall my post about Habits of Wealthy People you will remember that wealthy people make it a habit to listen more and talk less.  The reason for this is to learn!    The Dalai Lama said, “When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know.  But when you listen, you may learn something new.”

Secondly, a “know it all” tends to be too conceited and arrogant to ask someone else for help.  Bringing in an expert is my go-to move in life.  Any time I am about to journey into unknown territory, I find an expert and ask lots of questions.  Who better to help me learn than someone who makes a living at my future endeavor.  Henry Ford attributed much of his success in the car industry to hiring intelligent employees to fill roles around him in areas of which his experience and knowledge was weak.   You must learn to be quick to ask for assistance as it will help you achieve success faster by eliminating speed bumps and mistakes!

Those that act as if they have all the answers are very slow to ask for help and view seeking outside advice or assistance as a weakness.  The truth is the weakness is found in trying to shoulder the entire load by oneself.


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I want you to spend time today in introspection.  How often do you ask for help?  Do you listen to others?  Are you quick to interrupt in order to inject your thoughts into a conversation?  Do you find yourself talking about topics of which you really have no knowledge?

Be quick to listen, be slow to speak.  Seek out the help of those around you that have more experience or knowledge.  Learn from them.  If you begin to practice this simple habit you will find yourself fast-tracking your way to goal-achievement.

Expand your willingness!


Big Dreamer





29 thoughts on “Stop Pretending Like You Have It All Figured Out

  1. My 84 year old mother is one of those who won’t ask or accept help from others, but then perhaps that’s because she already knows everything.. Lol, guess that either comes with age or motherhood. I use to think being able to cook a great Thanksgiving dinner came with Grandmotherhood, alas, it hasn’t hit me as yet… 😇 Wonderful post!

  2. The only thing I have figured out, really figured out is how to get the proportions of creamer and sweetener just right in my coffee. Everything else I do by the seat of my pants.
    “Know it alls” drive me batty, because they never listen, they dominate the conversation and the more they talk, the more apparent it becomes how little they really know. The few brilliant people I know in my life, just listen and observe.

  3. Reblogged this on As I see it and commented:
    “How often do you ask for help? Do you listen to others? Are you quick to interrupt in order to inject your thoughts into a conversation? Do you find yourself talking about topics of which you really have no knowledge?” AAAAK — so timely. This happened to me this week!

    This character defect is something I want to finally tackle (this is from kindergarten days!) I collaborate with a friend on a project right now. Just this week after a gathering with her and others, this issue “slapped me.” I had a strong attack of self consciousness after leaving the gathering. Was I a blabbermouth? Did I make it all about me and take away from my friend and why we were there in the first place?! After the meeting, when I got home and first thing in the morning I ruminated on this and apologized to her. She didn’t see my behavior at all like I did, far more forgiving but this really bothered me. The first step in recovery — acknowledging you have a problem!

    Ok, here comes “justification.” About 12 years ago I was labeled ADHD – my brain can be pure monkey and my mouth chattering to keep up! I also come from a line of ministers and such folk are accustomed to being the focal point of conversation! In my genes! While I didn’t choose to become a minister/pastor/priest/priestess, I guess I give off an energy that suggests I am one. Family, friends, neighbors, strangers all want to talk to me about their deepest, darkest secrets. I often feel like a mobile therapist! I am also an Empath or highly sensitive person which goes hand in hand with probably why people feel compelled to talk to me about their personal stuff. My husband calls it “sin keeping” like Catholic priests do in confessionals. He and I share these experiences. When I am in one of these true confessions scenarios, I will listen and often even before they are done or while they are talking to me, the “messages” come fast and vast! It’s hard to censure what comes to me, tone it down or turn it off once it starts. More times than not the messages are timely and helpful — just what they need and they feel better inside and out. The caveat here…the other night I had an attack of conscience about this….my normal mode wasn’t appropriate!

    A memory came to me and helps illustrate. I remembered going out to eat with my Grandpa and Grandma after they were divorced. When all of the family got together, the time had to be split up but this time we all went out to eat together. My Grandpa loved the spotlight and when he “did what he does” this particular time, my Grandma got furious at him! “You always do that – have to be the center of attention!” I’m a lot like my Grandpa!

    We were there for my friend to be the focal point – she was leading our meditation and guiding the purpose of why we were there….not me. A fellow I hadn’t met before was there and expressed interest in the orgonite piece I had made and brought and all kinds of other info “had to be” relayed….this took time away from my friend and her sharing.

    I have been learning ALOT, especially the past few years and live a pretty isolated life. We live in a conservative small town, we have one car and when my husband works, I’m pretty much homebound. Most of my “socializing” is in forums like this or the rare visit with a neighbor. My husband has heard everything more than once and my four fur kids don’t give a shit frankly lol. SO I get pent up and this plays into the oversharing, spotlight stealing too.

    SO I have some growing and balancing to do – some learning. Dray’s blog here amplifies this for me and wanted to share. Thank you Dray!

  4. As a child I used to go to my near by temple on weekends and there is a centre where you learn about Hindu vedas and Puranas. And what they taught you first is how empty you are. But it also tells you the knowledge is within you. Life is a process of rediscovering and refreshing our inner self.

  5. Thank you for sharing this! We continue to learn every day, it never ends. At least it shouldn’t. Life is wonderful and challenging and exciting. We may not know everything- but we can choose each day to see the glass half full, to be positive, rather than the alternative.

    1. Possibly, but most people that act like a “know it all” let their arrogance and belief that they are smarter, better get in the way of allowing others to help. We are not talking about regular folk, but people that are oblivious to those around them.

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