I have managed lots of people in my life, spent many hours combing through resumes’ and conducting interviews. If you have 50 job candidates you will read 50 resumes’ touting the greatness of all the interviewees. Reality tells you that if you can find 1 qualified out of the 50, you are fortunate.
Most employees do what is required to maintain employment with a small percentage serving as a daily headache and an even smaller percentage wanting to be productive. One of my biggest challenges was to keep the “headaches” from influencing the “producers” negatively with their “can’t do” attitude!
There will always be negative people, but we must be very careful in allowing them to have influence in our lives.
I want to give you my thoughts on life to try to pass on habits I know and believe will help advance your position and more importantly help you to help yourself. Successful people are careful in how they construct their support group and you should be very careful in how you construct yours as well. I want you to think about your friend group, not people you associate with, but friends. Think about how they conduct their lives. Are they supportive? Encouraging? Responsible? Steadily employed? Driven? Open-minded?
Or….do they bring their drama into your life? Is the friendship an emotional burden? Do they constantly ask for drama advice, yet never heed good advice? Are they constantly complaining? Are they inherently negative? Do they steal your energy constantly? Do they party too much?
I received a message this week and promised I would give my opinion on friends that just seem to always need propping up. What do you do with people in your life that fit the latter description listed above?
I will say this, in golf you will usually play to the skill level of your playing partners. If you play with someone of a lower skill set, you will usually perform below your ability. You will spend your day waiting on them to hit, looking for lost balls, trying to find lost clubs, giving swing tips, etc. Performing at a high level at any activity is difficult on its own, but throw in a constant energy drain and drama distraction and you have the perfect formula for under-performance.
You must decide which is more important: propping up someone that doesn’t really want to change or improving your life?
Here are the friend qualities I say avoid at all cost:
- Friends that refuse to forgive you, but hold you emotionally hostage with your failures. There are few things that will kill you inside more than a friend that is constantly reminding you of how you’ve failed them and then using that to get you to do something for them.
- Friends that are impossible to please.
These people are the ones that you hate going to restaurants with. Because they cannot be pleased, they complain about everything! And their complaining and negativity is also directed at you and your life!
- Friends that dump on your dreams.
This is the person that is so unhappy with their own failures that they want to convince you that you are not capable either. Misery needs company and they can’t have you acheiving success because they might be left alone. Therefore, their mission is to keep you anchored down right beside them.
- Friends that are manipulators.
This is the most venomous of traits. Manipulators are constantly directing the traffic, usually stirring up controversy. Manipulators don’t live life, they plan it! And their planning involves using their negativity to intimidate you to direct your thoughts and actions. ELIMINATE THESE PEOPLE FROM YOUR LIFE IMMEDIATELY!!! They are better at their game than you are at yours. You will always lose with a manipulator in your life.
- Friends that are drama queens.
These friends always have some problem cooking in the pot. They always seem to have someone causing them strife, accepting no responsibility for their contribution to the drama. It’s always someone elses fault. They are incapable to see that they are the common denominator. And if there is no natural drama going on they will stir some up!
I thought long and hard about whether or not to give advice or lay out the facts and let you take your own action. After all, I am not sure I want to be the catalyst for someone ending a friendship. But life is hard sometimes and making tough decisions is necessary. So here is my advice: if you have a friend in your life that you know is contributing to your mediocrity, that fits into any of these 5 descriptions, and you continue to allow them to have influence in your life….your life will not change. Now, how you choose to deal with these types of “friends” is up to you. I am not offering up that type of advice.
You cannot fix some people, as much as you want to, and if you want to reach the stars you will not do so dragging an anchor. Negative, manipulating, angry, theatrical, unforgiving people have one mission in their life: to keep you from progressing. You must distance yourself from these people.
Be very careful with the types of people you allow to have influence in your life. You need to choose a positive, encouraging, ambitious, supportive, happy, open-minded and responsible group with which to surround yourself!