People can never change.
Now, before you overreact take a few moments to read my thought!
Some might change their actions or a few of the ancillary characteristics, but their essence is who they are and who they will be forever. Some may disagree with me and that’s okay. Recently I was reading On Writing by Stephen King and I was struck with a comment he made about being ashamed of what he has written in his career and that most artists live their entire careers with the same type of shame. His stems from a incident in school when a teacher asked him why he didn’t put his talents to better use than writing garbage like horror stories.
King has never escaped that feeling of shame. After many best-selling books and achieving ultra-success he is still that same insecure, young writer who doesn’t view his work as anything other than slightly embarrassing.
I can tell you that I am virtually the same person at 44 that I was when I was 7 or 8 years old. Goofy, fun-loving, talkative, outgoing with a touch of loner, stubborn type-A, fearer of breaking rules, who lives to be a friend and help others by leading by example. And I surmise this is how I will be the moment I take my last breath. There is no changing this part of me as it is my essence-it is Danny.
And it is because of this that for the first time I realize people can never change.
And it is my belief that many people get frustrated with being able to make changes because they set out to make the wrong changes; if you ask the wrong questions you will get the wrong answers type of situation. You should be trying to better your behavior not your essence-the things you DO, not the core of who you ARE.
For instance, when I decided to create this blog it developed into a “self improvement” journey log founded on the fact that I needed to make some serious changes. My health was diminishing and my MS symptoms were running out of control. The changes I needed to make were: eating healthier, getting more organized, becoming more action oriented and becoming more focused on the habits that would get me what I wanted in life. And if you have followed me for any length of time you will recognize these themes throughout my writing.
Go back quickly and reread my list. What do you notice? My list consists entirely of my actions and have nothing to do with what make me, me. I did not include learn to talk less or break some rules or become more serious. These things go against my natural internal true nature and I would never try to change these because it would cause extreme conflict and eventually frustration and failure. I cannot change my true nature. But I understood I could change my body by eating healthier, which would also heal my mind. I realized I could restructure my habits and change the direction of my life.
Maybe you have experienced unnecessary frustration and failure because you have been trying to make the wrong changes as well. Be sure to let you be you. But be willing to change your behaviors as you see fit.