For the First Time I Realize People Can Never Change

For the First Time I Realize People Can Never Change


People can never change.

Now, before you overreact take a few moments to read my thought!

Some might change their actions or a few of the ancillary characteristics, but their essence is who they are and who they will be forever.   Some may disagree with me and that’s okay. Recently I was reading On Writing by Stephen King and I was struck with a comment he made about being ashamed of what he has written in his career and that most artists live their entire careers with the same type of shame.  His stems from a incident in school when a teacher asked him why he didn’t put his talents to better use than writing garbage like horror stories.

King has never escaped that feeling of shame.  After many best-selling books and achieving ultra-success he is still that same insecure, young writer who doesn’t view his work as anything other than slightly embarrassing.

I can tell you that I am virtually the same person at 44 that I was when I was 7 or 8 years old.  Goofy, fun-loving, talkative, outgoing with a touch of loner, stubborn type-A, fearer of breaking rules, who lives to be a friend and help others by leading by example.  And I surmise this is how I will be the moment I take my last breath.  There is no changing this part of me as it is my essence-it is Danny.

And it is because of this that for the first time I realize people can never change.

And it is my belief that many people get frustrated with being able to make changes because they set out to make the wrong changes; if you ask the wrong questions you will get the wrong answers type of situation.  You should be trying to better your behavior not your essence-the things you DO, not the core of who you ARE.

For instance, when I decided to create this blog it developed into a “self improvement” journey log founded on the fact that I needed to make some serious changes.  My health was diminishing and my MS symptoms were running out of control.  The changes I needed to make were: eating healthier, getting more organized, becoming more action oriented and becoming more focused on the habits that would get me what I wanted in life.  And if you have followed me for any length of time you will recognize these themes throughout my writing.

Go back quickly and reread my list.  What do you notice?   My list consists entirely of my actions and have nothing to do with what make me, me.  I did not include learn to talk less or break some rules or become more serious.  These things go against my natural internal true nature and I would never try to change these because it would cause extreme conflict and eventually frustration and failure.  I cannot change my true nature.  But I understood I could change my body by eating healthier, which would also heal my mind.  I realized I could restructure my habits and change the direction of my life.

Maybe you have experienced unnecessary frustration and failure because you have been trying to make the wrong changes as well.  Be sure to let you be you.  But be willing to change your behaviors as you see fit.








40 thoughts on “For the First Time I Realize People Can Never Change

  1. I love this post. Thank you! I too believe that I am virtually the same person that I was when I in grade school. My core, my soul, my morals and my ethics, they have been the same as long as I can remember. The way that I channel my energy, the things that I spend my time on and how I walk through each day those things can change. They are the things that I do though, not the things that I am! I would love to share this post. Thank you for writing it 🙂

    1. I didn’t realize, but I caused myself a lot of frustration trying to change my essence when I was younger. I don’t believe it can be done. And feel free to share any time you like. 🙂

  2. Your thoughts here are very challenging. We can try to be the best of ourselves each day, but we are, like we are from birth.
    We get raised from kids and learn how to behave and sometimes this include changing of our acts too. One day we go back to, who we really are.

  3. Interesting read! In some aspects of my life, I am the same way I’ve been since I was younger. In other aspects, I’m very, very different. I feel like as we age, we mature. Some things stay the same while other things and interests mature with us.

  4. People don’t change because changing is very hard and it involves getting outside of their comfort zone. However the biggest obstacle in changing, in my view,are lack of humility and self analysis and of course pride. Most people don’t admit their own faults nor like their beliefs or points of views to be challenged. They think that what they know is the absolute truth, so as they are firmly set in their beliefs and ways they never change and worst of all they don’t learn anything. They live in what I call the illusion of knowledge. I allow myself to change if I see that a change it will bring me a benefit of some sort and I’m always on the look out for opportunities of changing something to arise practically 24 hours a day. Without change there is no spiritual growth, improvement or evolution. Basically, at least for me, a person that doesn’t change is a fossil.

  5. I understand what you are saying. I believe it too, but I think it goes further. I try to change the things about me such as healthy eating and I might make it a week or two, but then back I go to the old me. Sometimes what seems simple is not that simple at all. I can change my thinking for a while and then back to the old ways. I personally can’t keep the change going. I don’t know if others feel this way or not. I know many people who try to change things, but just can’t do it or at least not for long. If I had a nickel every time I “changed” I would be rich now.

  6. What a fantastic post, Danny. I agree with you. See, I believe we come in this world, equipped with our backpack and a couple of tools. We will keep this backpack and the tools our entire life but life and what we make of our tools will decide if we will used all of them or none and what we add to this backpack. The essentials will though, remain the same. From beginning to the end. Hope this makes sense.

      1. Because it’s such a great visual it made such a big change for me. In the end it is really what it’s all about. This incapability of seeing what is really there.

  7. This is such an interesting concept and way to view change. You’re right… I don’t want to change what makes me ME… But I can work on aspects of my life that will make me better. Without changing my core beliefs and traits. Thanks for this, Danny!

      1. A lot!To name one I would say,I always lacked patience before but I have become more patient..indeed.As a human I am still in a process to constantly improve myself.

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