Let Me Ask You A Question – 6/20/17

gce5rz8mi

This morning’s post was about how words can hurt..  Let me ask you a question…

Can you talk about a time someone hurt your feelings with their words and how you responded?  

35 thoughts on “Let Me Ask You A Question – 6/20/17

  1. Of the many hurts which one do I pick? I used to be very sensitive to words and would easily break down in tears. But I have learnt to look beyond the words and see what makes a person say what he does.

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  2. Oh, it happened many, many times… When it happens I have one of two reactions; I either confront the person, or I let it go and usually move away from that person. I am not a grudge holder…

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  3. There’s a bunch, especially when going back to childhood. Sometimes I ignored it, sometimes I lashed out, sometimes it became physical. I’ve found though, as I get older, the only people who can really get me with words are my wife and kids. Anybody else? They get a quick “Fuck off”, and then they’re forgotten.

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  4. Pingback: Let Me Ask You A Question – 6/20/17 — Dream Big, Dream Often – wandasncredible

  5. A woman I had been friends with for years proposed a plan for me to help her move which included me traveling a considerable distance, all in the space of my three days off. I wrote back to her saying that plan wasn’t workable. She took that as complete rejection and the letter I got back was bitter, angry, and accusatory in the extreme, saying that everything I had ever said or done had been a lie. I lost any hope that there was anything I could say to correct the misunderstanding that she might believe. So, I didn’t try. It was the end of the friendship and we never spoke again. She has since (many years ago now) passed away. I still can’t re-read that letter. I also can’t just destroy it.

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    • Thanks for sharing Bob. I hate it when these types of misunderstandings happen. And they are inevitable if you live on this planet for any length of time. That would just eat me up inside.

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  6. Only people that I consider close to me manage to hurt my feelings truly. Because I consider what they think of me important. I could write a book about the times someone close to me has hurt my feelings. Over and over again. Last time was a year ago. A very harsh and mean phone call, with things thrown at me I would not even throw at a person I dislike from the bottom of my heart or a stranger. Never. It was the day I decided that this person truly and forever has no more right to be part of my life. I pulled the plug. And I feel really good ever since then. Toxic people come in all form and sizes and relationships. One thing is important and is relevant in all cases: You don’t need them in your life and you can close the door on them. And lock it. Once done you will feel much better.

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      • Absolutely. Sometimes it’s hard to accept the truth though, especially if it’s a parent. Someone who should be there for you and back you up and not tear you down. I have realized 15 years ago how toxic she is but I could simply not admit it to myself. I wanted to give her a chance to prove me wrong and did so over and over again. Until that phone call. I had made huge progress already before but that one was simply it. Everything inside of me screamed “enough”. I’m still surprise about how calm I stayed while on the phone still. I know now it was because I knew that she could not get to me anymore. When I hung up the door closed. And it was an amazing feeling. Knowing her she will try to find a way back in, trying to use something to guilt me into connecting again. With my dad having passed away she just won’t have a leverage anymore…

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      • Evelina and I spoke about this type of “cutting off” this past week. The natural reaction is to defend, but the most powerful reaction is to ignore. It drives toxic people absolutely batty.

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  7. I used to be quite sensitive, but not so much now. I would respond by laughing at them, then spend days or even weeks turning their words over and over in my mind and silently weeping. Now I just leave it at the laughing.

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  8. The most hurtful words I’ve ever heard came from the people I loved the most. I had endured a very aggressive treatment to fight cancer. I lost all my hair, eyebrows, eyelashes, toenails and fingernails too. Not exactly a sight for sore eyes. My ex treated me like crap the whole time I was in treatment. One night he finally told me it was because I had become unattractive. He then got his coat on and as he walked out the door he screamed “the hookers are better than you!!” He shouted “did you hear me?!! The hookers are better than you!” I responded by saying “yes I heard you”. I have cried many times and for a very long time those were the words that were playing in my head. Well my hair grew back. I’m not as pretty as I used to be and the pain in my heart from hearing those words no longer stings as much as it did that fateful night. I left San Francisco and returned to my moms only to face rejection from my kids. I will never forget the words my daughter said to me. “I hate you. I pray every day you die in a car crash!” My only response were the tears in my eyes. After all, I knew she had no clue as to the fight I was in fighting cancer to save my life. In truth, deep down I thought her wish would come true. I was going to die but not in a car crash. I have since found forgiveness. Spoken words are like weapons. I always say “choose your words carefully. Once they’re out you can’t take them back. And the person on the receiving end might find themselves scarred for a lifetime from the words you said in the heat of anger”

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    • Holy hell, Velma! First, you are better off (obviously) without the clown who spoke to you like that. Marriage is about being a team. You deserve someone who is going to be your teammate in life! Secondly, words are so powerful. I see a trend which scares me in people talking to each other like they do on social media. It’s as if people have forgotten that words do matter.

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      • I’ve been through a lot and endured a lot too. The good news is I’m still standing. However, I agree. As a society we’ve lost the integrity to speak and treat others the way we’d like to be treated ourselves. People say such horrible things to others. Words matter! Words aren’t just words. They are as powerful as a punch in the face and can have some negative consequences on the person at the receiving end. I know this first hand. Thank you for the question. It was a reminder to me to speak kind words to others and a reminder of how far I’ve come. Thank you thank you thank you!!

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  9. I was picked on a lot as a kid. I was awkward, not athletically gifted, and had a back deformity that was evident before surgery. At first my feelings were hurt, but then I learned to use my wit and to be self deprecating before others had the chance to pick on me. It worked quite well and still does to this day.

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  10. I was bullied for most of my school years. I can think of four main bullies from my high school days that routinely physically and verbally assaulted me a lot, pushing me around, calling me names, etc. One sat behind me in a history class, he would put small pieces of paper down the back of my shirt, do that cough thing while saying “faggot” loud enough for the class (and teacher) to hear, and kick the back of my chair. I didn’t do great in that class and when the guidance counselor asked me what was the issue, I explained how difficult it was to study when my ears were being flicked by the guy that sat behind me and I was being called names. The counselor suggested that maybe I needed a bit of toughening up and I was being too sensitive. That particular bully got hit by a logging truck and died the summer after our senior year. I am sure someone probably remembers him fondly.

    Another bully would walk by me in the hallway and knock my books out of my hand, ask me if my jacket I was wearing was my boyfriend’s and that sort of ridiculous stereotypical bully bullshit. He died from a drug overdose in his early 30’s, a divorced police academy flunky. He was probably bullied at home and it was all he knew. I honestly don’t care, he was shitty and most people remember him that way.

    The last one I will mention pushed me up against the fence in PE and punched me repeatedly in the face and stomach, then fell into me, our cheeks touching and whispered in my ear “fucking faggot”. Even at the time, it seemed strange. I was very used to getting punched and shoved around, but that time it was odd. I can speculate he was trying to beat the faggot out of him, using me as a vessel, I could try to figure it all out. As far as I know, he isn’t dead, but is a minister now. Hopefully he is not using his position of power to bully anymore.

    Words do hurt. Words of other made me feel like I was garbage for a very long time, then I read this quote: “It’s not a slam at you when people are rude, it’s a slam at the people they’ve met before – F. Scott Fitzgerald. Perspective and distance has made me understand that much more clearly. Sometimes, people that are bullies become bullies to regain a sense of power, to take the focus off of what they have been told are their shortfalls and point out those in others.

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