Let Me Ask You a Question – 1/3/18

Let Me Ask You a Question – 1/3/18


This question requires a quick thought.  In my opinion, most people are who they are; meaning people don’t really change that much over time.  My thought is we don’t change because very few people put forth effort to make lasting, life-altering changes.  But let me ask you a 3-part question:

Should we change our behavior in order to be a better person to those we love?  Or are we the person we are and they must learn to live with us?   And if you choose the latter, how fair is that to those on the other end of the relationship?    


49 thoughts on “Let Me Ask You a Question – 1/3/18

  1. Wow… I’ll have to think this one out a bit. I know I tend to change for others, but I am really not sure it is the right thing to do. Maybe (but that’s just my warm up personal brainstorm start…) it should be a mix… Maybe we should be flexible, not always be the one who bends to please everybody….

  2. My husband and I dated for a short time then were engaged and living together for a very long time. We have been together for just over 8 years and married for 3 years this spring. We both have very different personalities but we work very well together. I think to a certain extent changing ones behaviour at least temporarily, doing the dishes even if you hate them, being supportive of sports even if they aren’t your favourite, things like that are a good thing. However, long term personality traits are just something you have to live with. People are who they are and as they mature some things change and some things don’t. Communication is key. Find compromise. Pick your battles.

    1. Relationships require a little give and a little take, with the good ones finding their balance point. Compromise isn’t always fun or easy but it beats battling all the time. lol thanks for reading!

    1. I agree completely. I would argue that we naturally amend some behavior for others without even realizing we are doing it. I think it is a natural reaction that is a learned part of being part of a community.

  3. I think it comes down to how you see yourself. Are you happy with how you treat others? Do you have standards you won’t compromise, no matter how you appear to others? I believe we all have room for growth, which can only be reached through some sort of change. However, the older I get, the more I realize, some things that are “ok” in today’s society are no “ok” by my standards. Therefore, I wouldn’t change that aspect about me. Do I value better communication with family and close friends? Definitely. Am I making more of an effort in that regards? Yes, to a certain extent. Having a potentially life-threatening disease does offer a bit more clarity. However, even if an illness isn’t somewhat dictating your life/actions, everyone can be a better person; in some manner. (imo)

  4. Interesting question. I think we should try to be better people for the ones we care about and who care about us. But we must remain true to ourselves and hopefully that is what they love us for. I feel like we always have the capacity to be more of what we truly want for ourselves and that is what I would want the people around me to motivate me towards and recognize me for.

    1. Thanks for your viewpoint. I like your approach and I agree. I think it is important to recognize that sometimes we need to amend our behavior for the comfort of our loved ones. Sometimes acting however one wants regardless of the impact on those around them simply isn’t acceptable.

  5. I’ve never been in favor of changing who one is to please another. By asking someone to change, they’re actually the one being unfair. That said, some measure of compromise is necessary in a long-term relationship, and my response is assuming the behavior requested to change isn’t something harmful to the person or others. But, if they suddenly ask you to change, they didn’t know you very well to begin with.

      1. Then the other person in that relationship was blind to it, it was hidden, or it was ignored. Rather changing the asshole, i think leaving the asshole is more appropriate. 😃

      2. Exactly. I guess people can slowly turn into or suddenly become an asshole, but that side of them has likely long-before on display. I say caveat emptor on that one.

  6. I will mean, that both parts in a relationship need to work to get it going well. Which also means, that only one can change the way, as we act and it is ourselves. We should only do that, when we feel, it is needed and not for making others comfortable alone. Then it can end badly up, because our personality will change without our soul are joining.

    1. I see your point and agree. When I mentioned “behavior” I was referring more to things like sitting around watching television too much or leaving a mess in the kitchen or spending too much time online blogging.

  7. I do not believe we ever can change who we truly are inside. we can change or subjugate out behaviors but not our thoughts or feelings. We can learn to compromise then put away our irritation at having to do so. I know I have not changed who I am, but have changed many of the things i would do before marriage as they annoy my husband. he does the same for me…but that is simply something I DO not who I am.

    1. Your comment is more along my thoughts as well. It’s actually what prompted me to add “behavior” to the question as I don’t think people change a whole lot over time, but we amend our behavior on a daily basis.

  8. I believe it depends on what specific changes will make the relationship better for each party. How important will it be to the life of the relationship? How much does each party treasure the relationship as it is, or how it could be? These things should definitely be considered, and hopefully during open and honest joint conversations.

    I also believe that we as people don’t change, our behaviors change!

    1. I caught in the middle on “people don’t change” idea. I’ve even said it but then I see the exposes on people who were gang members who convert and begin helping kids and such and I question my belief. Maybe the truth is that people can change, most simply don’t. lol

      1. I believe we make subtle changes most all the time at random. Specific changes take actual conscious work, which is where the problem occurs. You won’t change if you don’t do the work. It typically takes a monumental event to cause change to happen, sometimes by force like a health scare, or the threat of losing something or someone a person really cares about, so loss!

  9. Some of each? Changing to be better for those we love does not necessarily mean changing in a way they might think they want us to do, which can be a problem. I guess that to a large extent it depends on how much of a problem we are being.

    1. I laughed at your last statement “how much of a problem are we being.” It seems that often times those who need to amend their behavior don’t possess the self-awareness to realize it. The ultimate catch-22.

  10. 1. To a degree yes.
    2. No, everyone has the capability to change except for the severely brain damaged. Eric Berne.
    3. It’s not fair in any shape or form. It’s called Diversity and you can’t behave the same way towards everyone whilst accepting that everyone is different?
    You said you wanted a quick instant answer 😀 Love your question of the day by the way x

    1. Country Boy this might be my favorite question yet. I really made me stop and put a lot of thought into it. My immediate reaction is to say “people don’t change, behavior does”. But the truth is people can change, most just never do.

  11. Sometimes a very small little change, or adjustment can make a huge difference down the line. Between two people, best if both do a little compromising without giving up their way of being. Openness, honesty and dialogue can achieve a good balance in the relationship and agreement between two people how or what to adjust.

  12. I agree about the dialogue, and changing your behavior to please others never lasts. Communication between two lovers, or friends is of utmost importance. Trying to pretend you’re someone else won’t work. Be honest with yourself and others. JMO.

  13. I believe that it is important to be honest with others. The more honest and truthful you are the more you are able to learn more about each other. Honesty, seems to be the best answer to all these questions. Everyone is different, being honest with each other seems to be the best answer to all of these questions.

  14. We can change ourselves but not someone else. Only they can change themselves. Relationships are always an exercise in compromise and finding new resolutions. I think changes are necessary in a long term relationship each person has to compromise and make some changes but do it without loosing themselves. Tough to do.

      1. Well I am in year 34 now with my other half and he made changes and I made changes. We are both the same irascible , scallywags that we were before but the changes had to be made or we would not still be together. This was a good question Danny!

  15. It depends on the behavior. If you are a serial cheater or abuse, then, yes, you must change that behavior or you will lose the ones you love. If you’re disorganized or chew food with your mouth open, there is a middle ground in tolerating those quirks.

    1. Great point. I’m referring more to the type of behavior that is harmful like picking or being over-sarcastic or demeaning with words. That type of behavior can be changed and probably should be changed.

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