My Daily Observation: 1/3/18

My Daily Observation: 1/3/18

Danny

I had my fourth therapy session yesterday with my psychologist, Dr. Kate, and it went well.  We are working through some things that are really difficult.  I’ll just go ahead and throw this out to the universe and let you guys know I have been diagnosed with a disorder called Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder.  It is not OCD, but a disorder centered more around rigidity of thinking, order, scheduling and ridiculous amounts of anxiety.  I’ll drop a OCPD link here for those who would want to educate themselves.

It creates a lot of arguments at home between Evelina and I, which is why I began therapy in the first place.  My goal is to be the best husband I can be and for a lack of better words I thought it just might be that I’m an as*&hole.  Come to find out there is a specific reason behind all of my compulsions and it has to do with the way my brain is wired.

The honest truth is I’m not sure how to feel at this point because the realities are all so new and we are dealing with it on a daily basis.  The good thing is I finally have a name for this thing that lives inside me that rears its head in the form of a 5,000 pound ball of anxiety.  It also explains why I see life mostly in black and white and my way of doing things is the right way and the only way.

I’ll be talking more about it now that I’m more comfortable with it and seeing that there is no recover or cure it will be something that I’ll need to purge out via this blog.

So welcome to my life of learning to live with OCPD: a brand new journey!

Danny

 

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38 thoughts on “My Daily Observation: 1/3/18

  1. Very brave post, Danny! There is something settling about having a “name” for what’s going on with us. Before I was diagnosed with PTSD, I thought I was going crazy, which was hugely uncomfortable and very unsettling. There is a great and wonderfully supportive community of mental health bloggers here on wordpress. Many (like me) already follow you. I’m proud and grateful to be able to write about my mental health on my blog, as it has taken the, “is it only me that feels this way?” out of my life, and that brings a huge sense of comfort.

    1. Thank you Alexis. I have been hesitant and reserved over the last couple of weeks kind of wrapping my head around what it all means and how I feel. I do appreciate your kind words and support. 🙂
      Danny

  2. Wow I have OCD however I’ve never heard of OCPD. Thank you for sharing and thank you for sharing your journey. I have learned so much from you. As you grow we all grow too b

      1. OCPD has more to do with preoccupation with details and rules which cause anxiety. OCD has more to do with fear that something bad is going to occur if a routine isn’t performed.

  3. I think I was like that when my kids were small. It caused problems, luckily we all survived and now things are “normal”? I thought I was going crazy for a while, but it all settled as I grew older, and they did too. Perfection isn’t all it’s cracked up to be! Proud of you for getting therapy and for admitting it. You’re quite the guy, Danny.

  4. You are brave to share this, Danny. Anxiety hits hard in mostly of the mental health problems. The first must be to recognize this, then it is possible to work with it.
    All kind of need for control have to do with anxiety, why else have this concern?

    We are many in here, who either suffer or have suffered with different kind of mental health problems. The more we learn about them, the better we can learn, how to live and tackle life in general.

    1. The one great things the millennial generation does is or has done is to bring mental health to the forefront of conversation which has helped to break the stigma a bit.

      1. Sharing something with others is very human, especially when in your writing there was no malice towards others, no complaining, no bitterness – very refreshing!

  5. Thank you for sharing. I am OCD. I have certain ticks a d rituals I must do before moving on to other tasks. I do not notice it as much as other’s but I do them. They are small in comparison to other’s. This will be a journey to document.

    1. I’m not so sure how much of it I’m going to write about; or for at least the near future I’ll keep most of it close to me. But to be clear I don’t have OCD.

    1. Thank you! It’s a strange disorder. I always felt like I was wired differently because of the rules I used to do everything in my life. The only reason I began seeing a therapist was because I thought I needed to deal with losing some of the anxiety. Never thought this would be the diagnosis! lmao

  6. It is very brave of you to be so open and honest. I am looking forward to your future posts about this. It will be a journey for you as my disorders are for me. You will discover that you will learn a lot about yourself through the journey and try to remember to treat yourself with compassion and understanding instead of putting yourself down, feeling guilty, or beating yourself up. I am here for you and cheer you on as I am sure all of your followers are as well. Good luck in your journey and you are never alone.

    1. I appreciate the support, truly. Right now I am in the ‘what do I do now’/’what does this all mean’ mode. I’m just trying to put my mind around it all.

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