44 thoughts on “Let Me Ask You a Question – 8/28/18

  1. This question fits several things happening to me right now. When being truthful is hurtful, I have stopped and asked myself if it was my place to say anything. More often than not, the person is well aware of the painful truth and processing things in her own way. If saying something could make matters worse, I zip it. I try instead to offer unconditional support which is easier said than done.

  2. I think it’s a state of underdevelopment (ooooh not like me to do ‘clever speak) I was just thinking that it’s quite often children and adolescents that do this, probably because anger is their default mode until the brain develops fully and anger is the usual cause of the line being crossed. Bet you wish you’d never asked lol 😀😀

    1. lol. It is a tough question. many people say “I always speak the truth” but when I press them they actually hold their tongue more often than not. Relationships are always a balancing act.

      1. Yeah, and some people think that standing by the saying that “all truths are good to be told” gives them the right to say potentially hurtful things that are just not necessary. I try to avoid that… And I don’t think that makes me “fake”.

  3. I’m only completely honest with my family and closest friends. They know I won’t sugarcoat but also that it’s out of love, not maliciousness. With everybody else, I won’t give an honest assessment or opinion. I keep my opinions to myself….unless asked. They’ll get an honest answer, as tactfully as possible. Unless they’re an asshole. Then the blunt comes back into play.

  4. That’s often a moving target. I suppose the line is at Unnecessary Pain, or Useless Pain. Certainly, that’s true in doing therapy, but it is a good standard generally.

      1. Yes. If they ask me, then yes. I’m not lying for anyone. You lie, they find out and now you’re a liar for not being honest with them. Sometimes the truth hurts but you don’t have to be hurtful in an honest response.

  5. With good sense. Like S above I’m usually totally honest with my family. I used to preface my answer to “do you like this?” with don’t ask unless you really want to know.

    1. With associates I’ll say “I’m not sure, I guess you have to decide what you really want in the end”. Very generic. With friends and family I’ll go into my actual opinion.

  6. People who know me, know my catch phrase, “I’m not a bakery and I don’t sugar coat anything”. I am too blunt at times (according to some people). However, I would rather be told the truth than be “protected”. I don’t go out of my way to hurt someone’s feelings, but don’t ask me to tone it down when the truth needs to be stated.

      1. Sometimes better than others. With all the tragedy and losses I have had in the last few years, I will be remembered for being honest. You know where you stand with me. I call people out on the BS and praise those who do a good job. I can’t control likes me; that’s on them. If they get upset at the truth, then perhaps the real issue is with them.

  7. If someone asks for my opinion I will give it, I think a large amount of people have now learnt that if they don’t want a honest opinion not to ask me. But its also how you say it as well
    Does this dress look good on me?
    Answer A: You look like an over dressed monkey
    Answer B. I don’t think it suits your body shape maybe this one will look better on you

      1. Telling the truth doesn’t always go in my favour. For example I told my daughter that I didnt like the way her long term partner spoke to me and wasnt going to tolerate it anymore, ….he would bully me in a disrespecful way but thought he was being funny. The end result is I have been dumped from that part of the family since 2013 with no solution in sight. Guess what it is like a tonne of bricks lifted off my shoulders.

      2. The “doesn’t always go in my favor” answer is what I’m getting at. I don’t see someone who just speaks the truth straight out as having a lot of successful relationships. 99.9% of people don’t want to hear the truth.

  8. Very carefully. There are times when we know the truth will be hurtful but the other question to ask is , is it necessary that I tell them the truth? Would doing so cause more harm and not have a good desired outcome. Or maybe the person needs the truth but the timing in their live is wrong. There are a lot of factors to consider.

    1. I agree. Some people have said they are honest regardless, but this policy doesn’t work for me. I try to be sensitive to the person. Often times what we say is ignored any way and people have to learn lessons for themselves.

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