I think there comes a time when we adoptive parents need to try, without telling them we are trying. We need to make an obvious effort without forcing them to know about it. There is a time when we adoptive parents need to be the anonymous donor, supporter, helper WITHOUT their knowledge. 

This weekend was a hard one for our daughter who is almost 14 years old. She has been with us since she was around four but she has a real mom and she has a real family.

She has a family that she is connected to by blood but not connected to in the physical sense. She does not live with them and because she has a romanticized idea of who they are and are becoming, she can’t connect.

I am at fault for this. We adoptive parents are at fault for them not being able to connect.