I grew up in a family where the outside was more important than the inside. It didn’t matter how much sexual, emotion, physical, verbal, spousal, sibling, or narcissistic abuse was in the home. It didn’t matter if incontinence pervaded the family, night terrors prevented us children from getting a good night’s sleep, 20+ dogs barked all night making a peaceful sleep impossible, exotifying of the adopted kids made us feel uncomfortable and took over our lives.

What mattered was what people saw on the outside.

“Say Cheese!” we heard our parents say. Even if we were not feeling it. Even if our lower parts hurt because we were being molested.

It didn’t matter that our ear lobes hurt because our father would pull them super hard if we didn’t listen. It didn’t matter that our noses hurt because we were forced to place our noses on the refrigerator for long…