29 thoughts on “Let Me Ask You a Question – 11/8/18

  1. Gosh, how much time we have? I think there a re a lot of reasons, but mostly I think it is because people today are too self-absorbed and too selfish to think about others and their needs, and sadly, this includes their significant others as well.

    1. I am amazed at the number of married people I know who didn’t have lengthy discussions about beliefs, religion, finances, ideology, marriage before getting married.

  2. I think the situation of extended families being scattered about, leaving couples more isolated and relying on the marriage relationship to meet too many needs, practical and emotional, has a lot to do with it, and the general expectation that that relationship is supposed to make us happy more or less automatically. Our popular culture tells us a lot about falling in (and, out of) love, but not much about the work of maintaining a relationship over time and when the going gets rough.

    1. Absolutely spot on. When Evelina and I were talking about marriage we spent considerable time discussing our views on the word commitment and what saying “I do” meant to each of us. After getting to know her parents I made the decision that we both were committed to the same ideals and beliefs. It was then and then only that I proposed.

  3. I think a lot of people today react way to much on emotion. For example: My husband spent 200.00 dollars gambling the other night, I was ticked off. I thought well I’m going to go and spend 200.00 on the credit card, and get back at him. I came my senses and calmed down and he came to me about the situation the next day. A lot of people play nah nah a boo boo!

  4. I absolutely believe it has to do with lack of forgiveness. In every marriage I’ve ever seen end in divorce each person couldn’t let go of the way the other hurt them. Forgiveness, grace, and mercy is what is needed to sustain a marriage. The more Christ like we are in our marriage the stronger the marriage. – Letstalkaboutpersonaldevelopment.blog

  5. Not sure. My guess is that people rush in, from infatuation, need for security, desperate for love, etc. That may work for a time, but if there’s really not true love, or they’re getting married based on a shallow foundation, that building will crumble eventually. Just a theory though. Of course, human beings are masters of never being satisfied and ascribing to the-Grass-is-always-greener mindsets. Some probably are just ready for a change.

  6. Great responses! I agree with two are being right up there: the self absorption and then the way families move around. My husband and I are at 43 years, but we divorced in year 13. We’re still praising God He restored our marriage and we then recommitted to Him first, then each other. It takes the self out of self absorption. If only couples would seek to honor the two greatest commandment Jesus narrowed down to us: love our Lord God with all our heart, mind and soul; love our neighbor (anyone we are next too, which means spouses) as ourselves. That would eliminate divorces and it’s really what we ended up doing.

  7. Forced into a marraige by family and friends……but there was no real love.
    Mental and Physical Abuse.
    Unequally yoked .
    Cheating even after being forgiven and given another chance…… he thought it was just another chance to cheat.
    I could go on but I won’t.

  8. I am surprised at some of the answers, while I do think they are right. I think a large amount of marriages is because people (especially women) don’t put up with the same amount of shit they use to. Its no longer well Bob slept with another woman last night but that is just Bobs way. Its now Bob slept with another woman, well he can continue sleeping with the other woman at her house from now on.

    The world has changed, in some ways not in a good way, but increasingly you now have to have 2 wages coming in and (again mainly women) are still expected to do a full time job, plus all the housework, looking after the kids, doing all the extra family things, and finally we are saying no, pull your weight or get out.

    1. I guess I would ask why these things were not situated prior to marriage? The sleeping around thing doesn’t apply to all men, I’m talking about the last part of your comment: the division of labor. People have to talk about these ideologies

      1. I didn’t mean to imply that was all men, it applies to both men and women equally and obviously not all people will cheat. The violence thing, I read somewhere that there is a massive spike of domestic violence after a woman has just had a baby.

        Division of labour, things might be running along nice and smoothly, things have been chatted about and then throw a baby in the mix.

        I think what I am saying is that you can talk about these things but that something might come along that you just didn’t anticipate and no matter how many conversations you have it won’t prepare you for the reality.

  9. There’s a lack of communication and trust. That’s always the foundation for a good relationship. It’s a 2 way street. It takes work to be married, in a relationahip. Also, some people give up too easily nowadays when things get hard. I personally would leave if I was being cheated on or in an abusive relationship. Other than that, I am willing to make it work.

  10. Somewhere, along the necessary course of self improvement and personal awareness, too many humans have become so self absorbed they no longer understand the need for compromise, tencaity has become a thing of the past, and relationships are now as disposable as last season’s fashion. Too easy to move on, too hard to make adjustments to our own habits and misunderstandings. So many people are depressed because they feel the inertia of a life lived without truly hard work. That applies to personal relationships as well as physical jobs. My husband always says it has become an I-I, Me-Me world, and in too many cases, he is absolutley correct.

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