It’s Not That I Hate People, I Just Prefer To Be Alone

It’s Not That I Hate People, I Just Prefer To Be Alone


It’s Not That I Hate People, I Just Prefer To Be Alone

I am melancholy by nature.  Lately I have been a bit more melancholy than usual due to some heavy issues going on in my life.  I’ve taken a step back from blogging every day.  I’ve taken a step back from a lot of things.  I’ve spent more time in introspection than usual over the last few weeks.

Websters defines melancholy as “a feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause.”  I think many who know me might be surprised to hear me describe myself as such because typically I have always been the life of the party; I’ve always been “fun Danny”.  The interesting thing is I’ve always felt like I had to be “on” and I really don’t like that feeling.  I’ve always been outgoing, but I’ve always felt like an introvert.  It’s a strange dynamic and a stressful place to live.

As many of you know I live by a rigid set of rules.  For instance, I don’t read fiction, ever, I don’t listen to music with much vocals, I do not own a television, I wake up 3 hours prior to my work day beginning, etc.  My rules serve some important functions, but the problem with my rules is they create a tremendous amount of rigidity in relationships.  This happens because I put my expectations on others who think differently, act differently and see the world from a different perspective.  Others have a different definition of success and they have different goals.

Nonetheless my rules impact my view of people which makes me want to spend a lot of time alone.  Other than Evelina I prefer to be alone, inside and away from the world.  The perfect day for me is to sit at home with a good book or my tablet to watch Youtube videos about ancient Egypt or Bigfoot/cryptozoology.  It’s not that I hate people, but I just prefer to be alone.  People complicate things and get in my way of doing things exactly the way I want them done in the time frame I want them completed.

When you combine my view of people with my melancholy nature it creates the image that I’m negative.  Or at least that’s how I think some people take me or understand my actions.

Maybe I am negative.  Maybe not.  As long as people leave me alone I’ll be just fine.



58 thoughts on “It’s Not That I Hate People, I Just Prefer To Be Alone

  1. Oh Danny, I can imagine you as a very organized person and I do find your posts very positive and yes working with fellow human beings does turn out needing different skills each time. Wish you and Evelina best.

    1. “Recharge” is the perfect word. My alone time allows me to get away and not be expected to “perform” if that makes sense.

      1. I heard a saying before… “The more I deal with people… the more I love my dog” people can drain all your energy out very quickly and at times working alongside some people I wish I had a dog xxx

  2. You’ve obviously had a lot on your plate lately… I think we all have our own way to deal with what Life brings our way, and it is perfectly ok to feel better away from the crowd to do it. I don’t see it as being anti-social at all. I wish you and Evelina all the best, Danny.

    1. Thank you. Things are beginning to turn to the positive for us! I hope all is well with you!

    1. Gary, for the first time in my life I am realizing that I’m actually an introvert posing as an extrovert.

    1. I’m realizing that every day. Btw, how are things with you? I catch your posts from time to time on FB. How’s the world on the ocean?

      1. I’ve still been struggling to get back out on the ocean. Work is still very slow. I keep getting jobs, but they keep getting canceled, so I’m constantly thinking I’ll be going to work and then at the last minute, they cancel everything and I’m left at home pissed off and frustrated as hell. I can’t wait for things to get back to at least semi-normal out there.

      2. thanks, me too! It’s NEVER been as bad as this before. I’ve been in this business a long time, but this is by far the worst downturn ever. The gurus all keep saying ‘next year’ but they’ve been saying that for 5 years already. Now, lately they’re saying it’ll be 2022, 2023. I don’t know how many of us will be able to hang on for so long. I don’t think I can. It costs too much now to hold on to the ABILITY to work! License, training, etc never stops and only keeps increasing. 🙁

  3. I’ve wondered the same thing about myself! I am what most people call and extroverted introvert. I can be outgoing and sociable, but once everything is over I feel completely depleted. I like solitude. a lot. In fact, one of the hardest things about being a Christian is knowing that I need to reach out to people in a more personal way. It’s not easy for me at all!

    1. I was just telling Gary that I’m realizing that I’m actually an introvert by nature when I’ve always thought I was an extrovert.

  4. Our own lives will change soon with an escape to the country move. There’s too many people in our local reapidly expanding world and we just want some peace and quiet with (happy) places to go that suit us best. I’m “melancholy” when it suits and I love times alone and together with hubby. That’s our happy place.

  5. Hmm. Danny, I really think that pulling away before you snap or react harshly is the best thing to do (self care) if you are in a time of stress. I keep to myself most days because I have a lot going on in my head. Although, I do watch news and random television. I don’t really watch much outside of Netflix or YouTube anymore, so I get not owning a TV. Do more when you’re up to it. And, less when you aren’t. Just take care of yourself and your family. I hope that things get to the up cycle soon. Wishing you well.

    1. Things are feeling much more positive. I have eliminated owning a tablet and have started reading a lot and Evelina and I have started going for walks together. It helps a lot.

      1. How was owning a tablet, a contribution to your feelings? Did it make you feel more anti social? I like the idea of taking walks together. I loved that in my last relationship, you find yourself opening up and talking about the most random things that you forgot during the day or week. It’s, like an unfolding of your tightly gripped fist.

  6. Danny it’s OK to have alone time it never hurt anyone. I used to think that I had to have company, partner, family with me always. Since a nasty breakup I have been on my own for ten years. I no longer tolerate disrespect so some family stay away. To be honest I spend 99% of my life alone and I love it. 🙂

    1. Some of my favorite times in my life was sitting on the beach in the winter just watching the water. No swimmers, no people any where.

  7. I don’t know the details of what is going on in your life. I understand that both you and your wife have had health issues. I hope things are getting better for you both. I understand the idea of enjoying being alone, I cherish my time alone. There is a vast difference between being alone and lonely. I am comfortable in my skin and never lonely, but I love my own company, it’s comforting. We as a species are social creatures but we need time alone to clear our heads and work through things. There is a difference between being alone and hiding from the world. I must admit, I’ve done that in the past.

    1. I will say I don’t hide from the world. I think alone time for me is essential to recharge my batteries. Other people’s emotions impact me so greatly inside that I need time to shake all of their stuff off and recharge. Sensitivity is a tough thing and many don’t understand it unless you experience it.

      1. For those of us with heightened empathic ability it is important to protect ourselves when we leave head out into the matrix. Drawing in your aura helps. Sorrounding yourself with light for protection does as well.

    1. I’m surprised at the number of people saying they like being alone. I wonder if that is a trait common to bloggers?

    1. Do you think the reason so many people are agreeing with me is because the majority of bloggers prefer to be alone? I’m shocked at the volume of people saying “I prefer to be alone”.

      1. I suspect maybe a slight touch of Aspergers, too. Nothing wrong with being highly intelligent, introverted and sensitive…in my book, anyway. ❤

  8. Actually I am surprised considering how you used to be with your blog. I knew you had problems, but you didn’t let it interphere with your blog. I have noticed your absence lately for sure. I prefer to be alone most of the time myself so I can certainly understand. Hope things go better for you and Evelina. God bless you both.

    1. Tessa, I just had to take some time for me. I grinded on this blog for years and I got worn out a bit. It is nice though to post when I want to instead of constantly producing content. On another note, how are you doing?

      1. I wondered how you kept it up all that time. I struggle, in a better place right now, but still have to deal with chronic pain and bipolar disorder, plus the fibromyalgia. I am currently keeping busy writing and have started writing my memoirs. Started one, thinking of another section for another one and maybe a book of poetry. Will they see the light of day and be published I don’t know, but right now I am happy enough working on them. Take care of yourself and it is nice to post when you want to and feel up to it and not feeling that you must. I had noticed a drop in your posting, but since I can’t read as much I didn’t know if I just missed your posts or there weren’t any. God bless you both.

    1. I try. The big thing for me is I try to be considerate of others and it is tough for me to be around people who are not aware of how their actions impact the world around them…which seems to be most people! lol

  9. A friend and I were just talking about this subject today. I prefer to be at home with my family. I have a small circle of friends but only regularly do things with two of them. I don’t need to be surrounded by people all the time and am more than capable of entertaining myself. I don’t like being in a group of people.

    I recently started a new job where everyone is friends and do things after work together and on weekends. I am keeping work separate from my personal life. I learned that lesson a long time ago. And everyone on my team is about 20 years younger than me with the exception of one person, he just turned 40.

    There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be alone. I’m right there with you.

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