It’s Not That I Hate People, I Just Prefer To Be Alone
I am melancholy by nature. Lately I have been a bit more melancholy than usual due to some heavy issues going on in my life. I’ve taken a step back from blogging every day. I’ve taken a step back from a lot of things. I’ve spent more time in introspection than usual over the last few weeks.
Websters defines melancholy as “a feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause.” I think many who know me might be surprised to hear me describe myself as such because typically I have always been the life of the party; I’ve always been “fun Danny”. The interesting thing is I’ve always felt like I had to be “on” and I really don’t like that feeling. I’ve always been outgoing, but I’ve always felt like an introvert. It’s a strange dynamic and a stressful place to live.
As many of you know I live by a rigid set of rules. For instance, I don’t read fiction, ever, I don’t listen to music with much vocals, I do not own a television, I wake up 3 hours prior to my work day beginning, etc. My rules serve some important functions, but the problem with my rules is they create a tremendous amount of rigidity in relationships. This happens because I put my expectations on others who think differently, act differently and see the world from a different perspective. Others have a different definition of success and they have different goals.
Nonetheless my rules impact my view of people which makes me want to spend a lot of time alone. Other than Evelina I prefer to be alone, inside and away from the world. The perfect day for me is to sit at home with a good book or my tablet to watch Youtube videos about ancient Egypt or Bigfoot/cryptozoology. It’s not that I hate people, but I just prefer to be alone. People complicate things and get in my way of doing things exactly the way I want them done in the time frame I want them completed.
When you combine my view of people with my melancholy nature it creates the image that I’m negative. Or at least that’s how I think some people take me or understand my actions.
Maybe I am negative. Maybe not. As long as people leave me alone I’ll be just fine.