The Depression Series Part 3: Bipolar Disorder

What do you do, when you no longer trust yourself? When you want to reach out to others, but you know they just won’t understand. What do you do when you are diagnosed with bipolar disorder?  To experience shifts of moods or emotions in our everyday life is completely normal and natural. Our external and…

Source: The Depression Series Part 3: Bipolar Disorder

Life update

Therapy Bits

I’m having a pretty good afternoon. I’m relaxed and in a good mood.
Its nice to feel calm. It feels good.
Strange, but good. I’m so used to feeling on edge, stressed out etc that I dont know how it feels to just sit and be.
I like this feeling.
My dads getting sick. He has something going on with his chest. He is coughing a lot and he also has stomach issues going on. we are trying to get him to see a doctor but he keeps refusing. i told him he isnt going to get better by doing nothing.
Nitro is doing good. He’s happy. He’s such a cuddle bug. Always looking for pats. He has taken to licking my toes lately to show his affection for me. its pretty cute.
overall life is good this afternoon. I hope your all having a good saturday.

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Who Am I?

The Bipolar Storyteller

Who am I? That’s a question I find myself asking a lot these days. It’s not quite as simple as I once thought.

Once upon a time, I was a high school hero. I was an athlete; I played for four years on my high schools varsity football team. I was afantastic student; I had a 4.0 GPA throughout most of high school and scored a 33 on my ACT, and I never once studied for anything. I was a performer; I starred as the lead in both of the school musicals my high school had while I was a student and have been performing at the Broadway Academy of Performing since the seventh grade. I was popular. I was confident. Most of all, I believed that I was the greatest there would ever be. I look back on high school and find myself wondering what happened to the…

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Moving Forward: Letting Go of the Past

The Bipolar Storyteller

Look, I’ll be straight with y’all.  I’m As I continue to move forward in life and learn to cope with my illness, there is one thing I find holding me back:  Who I used to be.not proud of the guy I was in high school.  I spent so long hiding behind a mask of confidence and a wall of bravado, I honestly couldn’t tell you who I really was back then.  I was so worried about letting people see that I was just a normal human being – that I wasn’t some indestructible superhero – that it turned me into a monster.  I spent so long hiding me feelings, that I just stopped caring about others. I was mean; if I didn’t think you were worth my time, I just didn’t give you it.  I was heartless; I just simply didn’t care about how my actions affected other people.  If I…

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Bipolar Disorder is Either Black or White (Daily Word Prompt is Gray)

My Loud Bipolar Whispers!

My Loud Bipolar Whispers

There are no gray areas.

It is either black or white.

You are either right or wrong.

You are either dead or alive.

With my bipolar disorder I have felt dead many times, but I have never been dead. I was alive, but felt like I had no emotions causing me to feel like I was dead and I wanted to be dead. I may have been one step away from being dead many times as severe deep dark dangerous thoughts of suicide overcame my mind. I was only one step away from swallowing a large handful of medications many times that would have caused a life ending overdose. Then I would have been dead.

However, I survived my many strong desires, suicidal ideations and numerous suicidal attempts throughout my many years of battling and living with bipolar disorder, PTSD and generalized anxiety disorder. I am happy to be alive.

There are no gray areas in living.

It is either…

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Hospital for medical reasons, bipolar meds needed – going back on.

Advocate For Mental Illness!!

Tessa Can Do It! Positivity is Catching!

Going off the bipolar meds and anxiety meds most likely caused my hospital stay. My sugars were extremely high, my chest was tight and had painful fluttering, my blood pressure was high and so was my heart rate. I was dizzy and out of breath.

They did all the cardiac tests including a cardiac catheterization. My heart is fine which is good news. I caught a nasty cough from my roommate in the hospital. Still have it and it is almost 3 weeks later.

Went to Endochrinologist for my blood sugars. He left me on most of my oral meds and added Victoza which is a daily injection in my belly. Now I have no appetite at all. Sugars too low and the thought of food makes me sick to my stomach. Friends and family want me to eat and I don’t want to.

Extreme anxiety sent me back on…

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Conquering The Darkness

The Bipolar Storyteller!

The Bipolar Storyteller

Depression.  It sucks.  It blows.  It hurts.  But it is NOT something you can’t conquer.  This post has some tips and tricks I’ve picked up along the way.

  1. You. It starts with you. In any bad time in life, whether it be your physical shape, your mental shape, or even your fashion choices, if you don’t like it, fixing it STARTS.  WITH.  YOU.  YOU have to be the one to break free from the darkness.  No amount of friends, family, doctor’s, or drugs can bring you out of depression unless you make the conscious decision that you want to beat this.  Because you can do it, but ONLY if YOU WANT TO.  you have GOT to take the first step.  I listen to “The Ziglar Show” Podcast, and a quote from Zig Ziglar in the introduction is perfect for this. “You’re what you are and…

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Beating Depression: Just Smile!

The Bipolar Storyteller!

The Bipolar Storyteller

Hey guys!  I’m back with a new life lesson I’ve learned, one in which I believe is extremely important and an incredibly easy thing to do to help get out of a Dark spell.  That lesson is being pleasant.  All.  The.  Time.

Now I know what you’re thinking.  “Be pleasant all of the time??? Lo, that sounds exhausting.”  That’s what I thought too when I witnessed it for the first time.  However, after trying it for the past week, I can honestly say that being pleasant consumes a ridiculously smaller amount of energy than being rude/indifferent/ in a general bad mood.

The people I have to thank for this valuable lesson are Lindsay and Shay Hayes, owners of Viridian Coffee (FANTASTIC coffee might I add, 10/10 would recommend), one of the places I am currently blessed to be employed.  These two people are two of the most phenomenal people…

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I think I am going to faint…

Advocate For Mental Illness!

Tessa Can Do It! Positivity is Catching!

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems

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New Memories (Daily Word Prompt is Clean)

This is a great post I found on My Loud Bipolar Whispers!

My Loud Bipolar Whispers

I wish I could clean my mind of the many bad memories I have from my past. These memories sometimes flash very brightly and vividly into my conscious mind at unexpected and unwanted moments for no apparent rhyme or reason.

Flashes of unwanted memories haunting me and repeatedly being replayed in my mind like a bad old movie causing me to have to relive the past event and feel the horrific emotions of fear, sadness and extreme anger I felt at that time. The painful memory reminders from my past seem so real as if I am living them over again today.

Where is the magic eraser to permanently wipe off all my bad memories written and pictured in my mind?

Where is the magic tweezer to magically pluck out each and every one of my bad memories from my mind one by one so they will never return again?

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