Mania: The Blinding Light on Top of the World

The Bipolar Storyteller

“The blinding light? Wait a minute, I thought that spending life on top of the world was a good thing!” I’m sure that’s a thought that went through some of your minds when you saw the title (If it’s not, we’re just gonna pretend it was, mkay?) I guess in a sense, being on top of the world is a good thing; however, there comes a point when the pedestal you sit upon becomes so tall, the awesome might and power of the light ends up turning you into the demon deep within yourself. The truth is, my manic episodes have caused more pain to myself and those that I love than any depressive episode I’ve ever had. Which is unfortunate, because I’ve spent most of my life sitting high above the world on my manic throne.

For those of you that aren’t quite sure what I’m talking about, let…

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Bipolar Disorder is Either Black or White (Daily Word Prompt is Gray)

My Loud Bipolar Whispers!

My Loud Bipolar Whispers

There are no gray areas.

It is either black or white.

You are either right or wrong.

You are either dead or alive.

With my bipolar disorder I have felt dead many times, but I have never been dead. I was alive, but felt like I had no emotions causing me to feel like I was dead and I wanted to be dead. I may have been one step away from being dead many times as severe deep dark dangerous thoughts of suicide overcame my mind. I was only one step away from swallowing a large handful of medications many times that would have caused a life ending overdose. Then I would have been dead.

However, I survived my many strong desires, suicidal ideations and numerous suicidal attempts throughout my many years of battling and living with bipolar disorder, PTSD and generalized anxiety disorder. I am happy to be alive.

There are no gray areas in living.

It is either…

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My cat!

Advocate for Mental Illness!

Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

She has been listed as a therapy cat,

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems

http://www.tessacandoit.com

http://www.finallyawriter.com

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Hospital for medical reasons, bipolar meds needed – going back on.

Advocate For Mental Illness!!

Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

Going off the bipolar meds and anxiety meds most likely caused my hospital stay. My sugars were extremely high, my chest was tight and had painful fluttering, my blood pressure was high and so was my heart rate. I was dizzy and out of breath.

They did all the cardiac tests including a cardiac catheterization. My heart is fine which is good news. I caught a nasty cough from my roommate in the hospital. Still have it and it is almost 3 weeks later.

Went to Endochrinologist for my blood sugars. He left me on most of my oral meds and added Victoza which is a daily injection in my belly. Now I have no appetite at all. Sugars too low and the thought of food makes me sick to my stomach. Friends and family want me to eat and I don’t want to.

Extreme anxiety sent me back on…

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#oktosay

Peace From Panic!

Peace from Panic

I was just watching the news and saw something really exciting, I had to share.

A video has been released of Prince William and Lady Gaga FaceTiming — he in the United Kingdom and she across the ocean, at home in her kitchen. The issue they discussed?

Mental health.

How great is that? These two high-profile people are addressing the need to have conversations about mental health. You can see their FaceTime call here.

Prince William and Lady Gaga are trying to encourage more people to be open about mental illness. Their talk is part of the #oktosay Heads Together film series.

Lady Gaga recently admitted she has post traumatic stress disorder. She’s been speaking out about her challenges and the importance of not being ashamed of having a mental illness.

The royal family — the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and Prince Harry — is committed to improving…

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Conquering The Darkness

The Bipolar Storyteller!

The Bipolar Storyteller

Depression.  It sucks.  It blows.  It hurts.  But it is NOT something you can’t conquer.  This post has some tips and tricks I’ve picked up along the way.

  1. You. It starts with you. In any bad time in life, whether it be your physical shape, your mental shape, or even your fashion choices, if you don’t like it, fixing it STARTS.  WITH.  YOU.  YOU have to be the one to break free from the darkness.  No amount of friends, family, doctor’s, or drugs can bring you out of depression unless you make the conscious decision that you want to beat this.  Because you can do it, but ONLY if YOU WANT TO.  you have GOT to take the first step.  I listen to “The Ziglar Show” Podcast, and a quote from Zig Ziglar in the introduction is perfect for this. “You’re what you are and…

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Let’s Talk About It

Peace From Panic!

Peace from Panic

“What should I do if my friend is having a panic attack?” “If you have anxiety, will you get depression when you’re pregnant?” “I know my friend is depressed, but she won’t admit it. What should I do?” “Can you get panic attacks while you’re sleeping?”

These are some of the questions I was asked last week when I spoke to a class of 36 high school juniors. I presented a program called Ending the Silence, developed by the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). The purpose is to raise awareness of mental illness and help end the stigma.

I love to speak to high school students and bring attention to mental health. If I attended something like this when I was a teen, maybe I wouldn’t have waited so long to get treatment for anxiety and panic attacks.

Mental illness is a difficult subject to discuss, and can be…

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Beating Depression: Just Smile!

The Bipolar Storyteller!

The Bipolar Storyteller

Hey guys!  I’m back with a new life lesson I’ve learned, one in which I believe is extremely important and an incredibly easy thing to do to help get out of a Dark spell.  That lesson is being pleasant.  All.  The.  Time.

Now I know what you’re thinking.  “Be pleasant all of the time??? Lo, that sounds exhausting.”  That’s what I thought too when I witnessed it for the first time.  However, after trying it for the past week, I can honestly say that being pleasant consumes a ridiculously smaller amount of energy than being rude/indifferent/ in a general bad mood.

The people I have to thank for this valuable lesson are Lindsay and Shay Hayes, owners of Viridian Coffee (FANTASTIC coffee might I add, 10/10 would recommend), one of the places I am currently blessed to be employed.  These two people are two of the most phenomenal people…

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I think I am going to faint…

Advocate For Mental Illness!

Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems

http://www.tessacandoit.com

http://www.finallyawriter.com

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New Memories (Daily Word Prompt is Clean)

This is a great post I found on My Loud Bipolar Whispers!

My Loud Bipolar Whispers

I wish I could clean my mind of the many bad memories I have from my past. These memories sometimes flash very brightly and vividly into my conscious mind at unexpected and unwanted moments for no apparent rhyme or reason.

Flashes of unwanted memories haunting me and repeatedly being replayed in my mind like a bad old movie causing me to have to relive the past event and feel the horrific emotions of fear, sadness and extreme anger I felt at that time. The painful memory reminders from my past seem so real as if I am living them over again today.

Where is the magic eraser to permanently wipe off all my bad memories written and pictured in my mind?

Where is the magic tweezer to magically pluck out each and every one of my bad memories from my mind one by one so they will never return again?

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