Things are getting bad on the internet.

Tessa Can Do It! Positivity is Catching!

WordPress just shut my accounts down due to suspicious activity and forced me to create a new password.

Just recently my Amazon account was hijacked (email and password changed), after I got it back someone went in and closed it. I also had an account set up with my name and email in the UK.

I had to use a new email without my full name in it and change the password to something really weird, but someone still might be able to crack it. I created a new account. They were going to reopen my old one again, but what’s the point. Someone or more than one person has been busy on my accounts. Please be careful people. I would hate to have to create a new email and resign-up for everything. A lot of us use our names in our email addresses.

I also in the last year…

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Fear of Sharks Can Get In the Way of A Great Swim

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Danny

Fear of Sharks Can Get In the Way of A Great Swim

I heard some people talking this past weekend about never swimming in the ocean because that’s where sharks live.  It was a funny conversation, but the lady talking was being sincere in expressing her fear.  She explained that if she never gets in the water she will never have to worry about getting eaten by a shark.  And I cannot argue with her logic.

But what about the coolness of the water on the skin?  What about experiencing the awesomeness of an afternoon swim?  Maybe a little belly surfing?  If her mind doesn’t change she will never be eaten by a shark, but she will also never experience the greatness of the water.

Listening to her talk got me to thinking about fear in general.  I wonder how many people think like this on other topics.  If I never try X, then I’ll never have to worry about Y.  I would have to guess that the number is quite high.

Fear rules many people’s lives.  They operate out of fear.  It dictates the terms of agreement in their life.  Fear decides what will happen and what will not happen.  Fear dictates a few things to me.  I will never skydive because if I don’t I will never hit the ground and die.  I will never bungee jump.  I’m sure there are more things that I will say “never” to doing.  My list expressly relates to extreme sports.

Fear can keep people from fixing broken relationships.  Fear can keep someone from experiencing the freedom of being debt free.  Fear can get in the way of someone earning their education certificate.  In the end fear does one thing…it gets in the way of everything.

If fear is getting in your way I offer one simple suggestion.   Think about the worst possible scenario and then ask yourself, “What’s the absolute worst thing that could happen?”  You could get rejected.  So what?  You could get your feelings hurt.  So what?

But what if the worst case doesn’t happen?  Fear will rob you if you let it, so don’t let it.

Have a great Monday!

Danny

3 questions to ask yourself if you raised kids in a dysfunctional home.

Lucky Otters Haven

Nobody’s perfect, and that goes for parents too.  There’s no such thing as a perfect parent. There’s something called a “good enough” parent though, which means that you are going to make mistakes raising your kids, no matter how much talent you have for the task or how well adjusted you are.  Children don’t come with instruction manuals, and some of the mistakes you make might even be pretty bad ones.    But overall, you’re “good enough” if your kids know you love them no matter what mistakes you made, and they turn out to be functioning, reasonably happy adults.

But for survivors of narcissistic abuse, things are a little more dire.   Because many of us suffer from mental disorders caused by abuse–C-PTSD, BPD, OCD, anxiety, depression, and a host of other mental maladies–we probably entered parenthood with less of a sense of ourselves and our place in the…

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Can You See How Family Drama Could Be Absolutely Draining?

Danny

Can You See How Family Drama Could Be Absolutely Draining?

In many instances you cannot kick family to the curb, although I’m sure many of us have wished we could!  The old saying “you don’t pick your family…” is true, but it doesn’t mean you have to be a door mat.

I don’t have nor have I ever had much family drama.  When I say this I am referring to my immediate family.  Of course there is the occasional soap opera segment, but for the larger picture of my life my sister, mom and dad and myself have all gotten along my peas and carrots.  I do understand this isn’t how it is for some people and I feel for the position in which they find themselves.

If someone is causing me drama over and over, I will simply eliminate them from my inner circle; I don’t have the time nor the patience to deal with drama.  “I’ve got a long way to go and a short time to get there…”

This isn’t always the case when it comes to family though.  So how do I believe is the best way to deal with family drama?  I’m not sure and all I can do is speculate, but I’ve witnessed the wrong way to do it.  I believe the wrong way to do it is to allow their drama to completely consume you or to drag you in every single time.  I would play my part as I would if I were playing a character in a play.  I would become the person I needed to be when I was around them, dish out some love and let anything and everything said roll off like water off a duck’s back.

I do this in my work environment.  I am around a lot of people who want to gossip around the water cooler.  I don’t participate, but I don’t tell them to shut up.  I just go about my business and don’t allow myself to get caught up in their shenanigans.   I think it takes a lot of discipline to disallow yourself from getting caught up in drama.  You must practice.  And even the best have a little drama stick to their shirt when they walk out, but it is at that moment that you brush off that drama and go about your business.

I’ve also witnessed a common mistake which is to always be the mediator.  This position in the drama dynamic carries the most burden in my opinion.  If siblings are not getting along and you take the position of being the one constantly listening to both sides independently and then trying to help them work things out, then plan on carrying all of their drama and burden around with you for a long time.  Maybe it is time to redefine your role in their relationship, meaning, stop getting in the middle and let them deal with it.

I also see a common mistake of not setting boundaries.  You cannot allow conversations to always revolve around the drama and it is important to set boundaries.  “I am not going to discuss XYZ any longer.  If you want to talk about ______, then you need to call him/her and talk to them.  Don’t call me any more to talk about them.”  And stick to your stance!  Hang up if you have to.  If you disengage from allowing them to consume conversations they will eventually get the point and your life will be a little less dramatized.

I also think it is okay to take time away from people; even family.  Family drama can become totally toxic and spoil your energy.  He said, she said…”can you believe what she did?”….”oh my god, he said what?”…and the worst “what do you think I should do?”.  All of these are designed to drag you back in.  What if you took a week-long break from it all?  How would no drama for 1 week impact your attitude?

I am just thinking out loud and of course am no psychologist so take my words as a different perspective perhaps.  I hope everyone has a great Saturday!

Danny

Being considerate?

Cyranny's Cove

If you haven’t started blogging five minutes ago, you must know Danny, from Dream Big Dream Often. Danny is some kind of Godfather of the bloggosphere, in an inspiring way! And each day he asks a question to his readers.

Ok, sometimes you might be tempted to wonder if he had a strong fever during the night. (“If you had to choose would you rather loose a finger or a toe?” Really, Danny?) But generally, the questions are thought provoking. Today’s is, and I wanted to adress it, but I was afraid I’d break Danny’s comment box, so I decided to write this post instead.

In a general sense do you try to be considerate of others? Do you see a lot of consideration being paid in the world around you?

You can read Danny’s thoughts about it here.

Personally, I like to think that I am, indeed…

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Sometimes I Only See My Perspective, Which Is A Problem

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Danny

Sometimes I Only See My Perspective, Which Is A Problem

I try to be open-minded, but I will be honest and admit that when it comes to getting things done I want them done my way if I am going to be involved in the process.  If you come and ask me for advice I’ll explain to you what I would do, but then it’s on you as to what you decide.  But if I’m going to be involved in helping you then I’ll expect you to follow my plan.

Guess what?  It doesn’t always end as I plan.  Imagine that.

Here’s why I am the way I am.  I am a thinker.  I am a planner.  I exhaust all possibilities and work through the decision tree like a beaver chewing through wood.  By the time I’ve developed a plan I have made sure that the plan is well thought out, is thorough and most importantly, will work.

I train entire divisions and my plan and strategy works if the group I’m working with will implement the process I’ve developed; and it works to perfection.  There’s not one single detail of my plan that happened by accident.  The groups that stick to the plan experience growth.  Those that do not continue to struggle.

Here’s the big issue: I have to be flexible enough to allow each group to own the process in their own, unique way.  This way the process becomes theirs, not mine, and they own it completely.  I have to be malleable in my thinking to allow them to bend and mold things to their thoughts and actions.  This isn’t always easy for me.

My first thought is “I’ve put all this work to developing this system, just work the system as it stands!”  But that isn’t how life works.  People want to make something their own and if my mind is rigid, then the training will be less effective.

I think many people think like this as it relates to opinions and beliefs.  “I believe XXX, why can’t they just see things the way I see things?”  I experience this quite often in religion.  “I believe in Jesus and if you don’t believe Jesus is the answer then I’m not going to associate with you.”  Or, “I believe in Allah and if you don’t believe like me then…”.   And I don’t think I even need to bring up politics.

The point is as open-minded as I like to say I am, I find myself being judgmental and closed-minded quite often.  It seems that what I say out of my mouth sounds good, especially when I type it on a blog.  But what happens in my mind is often less open than I’d like to admit.

By habit we naturally want to say what we know we should say; possibly even what others want to hear.

I sense that I am going down the rabbit hole so I’ll get back to my point.  When we are rigid in our perspective and closed to having our opinions moved, then I think we rob ourselves of the opportunity to learn and grow.  Of course we should stick to our core principles, but we should approach life open and ready to learn.

I think it was Mark Twain who said “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.”  When we realize how big the world is and how many varying cultures, opinions and views there are, then we begin to realize that we might be narrow-minded.

So right now I am going to begin my reformation be admitting to myself and the world that I think I’m actually much more narrow-minded than I would care to admit.  But I’m set on changing that.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

Danny

SSDD | sparksfromacombustiblemind

Hubby liked to say that “SSDD”.    Depending on who you are and how clean your mind/mouth is, it might be “Same Stuff, Different Day”, but hubby’s take was “Same…

Source: SSDD | sparksfromacombustiblemind

Here Are A Few Of My Crazy Random Thoughts…

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Danny

Here Are A Few Of My Crazy Random Thoughts…

 

  1. Ulcerative Colitis has robbed me of eating fried chicken and that makes me really sad.  I love(d) fried chicken.
  2. I love the World Cup and I hate that England lost yesterday.  I had hoped they would win and have a chance to break the 1966 drought.
  3. I love my job.  I’m in Jacksonville, NC this week which is about as far east as you can be in NC.  The downside is when I leave today at 5:00pm, I’ll have a 3 1/2 hour drive home.
  4. I’ll buy Starbucks if there isn’t a Dunkin close by, but nothing and I mean nothing compares to Dunkin!
  5. I think if I ever had the opportunity to see the Great Pyramid that I might cry.
  6. For some reason I’ve noticed I feel better about my day when I get into a clean car with shiny tires in the morning.  When I see how clean my car looks it makes me feel really good about driving to work.  Why do you think that is?
  7. I am lodging in a Hilton this week and all other hotels pale in comparison.  I’m afraid to go back to Fairfield or Hampton after this trip.
  8. I need some ocean time in my near future!!  Maybe I’ll flood you guys with some ocean photos Saturday and Sunday?!!
  9. Here are a few of my favorite things:  my wife, the color blue, sour candy, an organized work space with everything in its spot, Bentley’s tail (it’s curly), bacon, road trips, great customer service.
  10. Do you ever think about how others might perceive you if they ever knew what you thought about on a regular basis?  Sometimes my mind is like a 3-ring circus.  Crazy thoughts come to my brain and sometimes, yes, I laugh out loud at myself.

That’s enough.  Hope you enjoy your Thursday!

Danny

My Top 5 Favorite Books

TheMomsomnia

Hello all! I’ve done a lot of posts about movies and actors but I’ve yet to talk about books. Here’s my list (in no particular order) of favorite books.

1. Remember Me by Christopher Pike

I’ve read this book at least five times and I still want to read it. It’s suspenseful and fun and full of surprises.

2. The Tale of Desperaux by Kate DiCamillo

Sure, sure… It’s a children’s book but it’s one I’ll probably continue reading the rest of my life. The story is amazing and the characters are ones you just want to keep returning to. It’s the only book from my childhood that I’ll continue reading over and over. (The cartoon is adorable too!)

3. The Secret Circle by L.J Smith

It was a close tie between this series and Vampire Diaries. Secret Circle won due to the simple fact that it bothered me how…

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