The most challenging aspect of individuation, of growing up, is the groundlessness breadth our feet, the fact that the universe, existence itself, doesn’t give us a blueprint for our lives; it’s our duty, and our burden, to create it for ourselves. And, that is absolutely terrifying! Jean-Paul Sartre called this existential dread: the fear of freedom.
As we get older and separate from our parents, we begin to form our own opinions, our own ideals, and our own core system of values, basing them, in part, off of the knowledge imparted to us by our parents, while founding them in our newly constituted abilities to reason; we decide what’s right and what’s wrong for ourselves, creating the cores of our identities. But, this is when it happens; it’s when self-doubt creeps in. At this juncture, we become aware of the groundlessness; we realize that our parents are no longer there…
Is It More Difficult Raising a Child In the 21st Century?
I wrote yesterday about bullying and how it is dangerous for everything to be viewed as such. It led one reader to email me and ask me how will I raise my children once Evelina and I start a family. This question intrigued me so I thought I’d drop a few letters together and formulate my thoughts. Here goes…
The types of things we have discussed that we would like to be a part of our parentology will be (in no particular order):
Understand that your parents love you no matter what, but sometimes we must discipline you. It’s for your own good.
Not all people are bad, bud not all people are good so don’t ride with strangers.
When you grow up you’ll realize the world is ruled by “nerds” so don’t be afraid to show your intelligence.
Befriend the kids that others make fun of and love the kid who teases; he or she is hurting inside badly.
Don’t rely solely on technology; look up occasionally!
Always do what you say you will do; your word will be incredibly important when you are an adult.
In all things show character; people will respect you for doing so.
Don’t talk about people behind their backs; mind your own business.
Keep your checkbook balanced.
If you can’t afford it, then you can’t afford it; do not accumulate credit card debt.
Things will always be things, but life is all about experience and memories; invest your energy into making memories.
Lie in the grass and stare at the clouds once in a while.
Forgive your parents, we’re not perfect and will make mistakes.
You have incredible value so expect others to treat you as such.
Volunteer your time to helping others.
Be a good friend.
Do not be afraid to dream big dreams. The great innovators didn’t become great by thinking “normal”.
Not everyone is meant for college so if your life course is a skilled trade then be the best skilled tradesman/woman you can be.
Always know that no matter how old you get, you’ll always be our little boy/girl.
Always know that your mother and father love you.
Obviously I have left a lot off of this list, but I have to end it somewhere. Evelina and I are putting together some of the values that we agree we want to instill in our kids. I’m not sure how many people have this conversation, but I think it is critical versus winging it. Of course, there is no definitive guide, but I believe couples need to talk about and have a common belief system; especially when it comes to disciplining children.
We have had this conversation about every aspect of our life thus far and it has not failed us so we are continuing the practice.
I never thought I’d use my bathroom as a place of refuge but over the years that’s what it turned into. It started off as a place I’d go to hoping for a moment to myself to collect my thoughts. By a moment, I literally mean that, a moment! I thought I’d take a page from my husband’s book and shut myself in the bathroom to take a breather. Turns out, that trick doesn’t work for me as well as it works for him! While he can go in and close the door and sit nearly as long as he likes, I have little hands knocking at the door, little high-pitched calls for my name, and fingers reaching under the door within a minute. I’m starting to think maybe I should leave the door open and see what happens when the mystery is taken away…
Last night I became a Grandma. My son and his girlfriend got a little boy. This is really huge for me. This is my first Grand Kid and I feel so very happy
In short time, I will bring up some photos of the little boy
If you have followed my blog for longer time, you know, that I have two adult kids, a young man and a young woman. Both of them decided to get kids now, my daughter is pregnant and should give birth in February, so the happiness will be double up 😀
While I lay in ICU in the hospital, both of my kids visited me here in Spain. When I woke up, they both gave me these gifts by telling me, I would become 2 x Grandma, which absolutely gave me more to live and…
DW started a keto diet about a month ago. It’s great for her and she’s doing a killer job of sticking to it. Because it’s a high fat, moderate protein diet I often find myself cooking two dishes. One for her and one for the boys and I. This often leaves her more leftovers than the boys and I. That brings us to where I was this evening.
Here’s what the original plan was…
Because of my lack of wanting to cook this evening and DW having some of her leftover Tex-Mex chicken that I cooked last night, all I had to do was find something for myself and the boys to eat. We almost had PB&J. That’s how much I didn’t feel like cooking. We had some popcorn chicken in the freezer and we wanted some fries with that but I had to make a quick trip to…