* More on the good news about misbehavior

Teachezwell Blog

I am still processing the excellent book, “The Good News About Bad Behavior,” by Katherine Reynolds Lewis. Lewis describes four types of parenting styles (and I like to think of them as teaching styles, too): authoritative, authoritarian, indulgent, and uninvolved.

If you are a parent or teacher, which style best describes you? Do you use punishment and rewards to control your kids? Do you try to be their best friend? Are you distant or spend most of your time at work or away? Are you mostly concerned about “covering the material” without connecting emotionally?

Lewis argues that an authoritative parenting style is most effective. Could you be described as a calm adult who holds kids responsible but allows them to learn from mistakes? Do you refrain from criticizing while allowing kids to experience natural consequences?

One important takeaway from examining parenting styles is that it’s okay to be…

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What If You’re Wrong?

anewperspectiveperhaps

I believe now more than ever that the source behind a strained relationship is often misunderstanding. We forget that we can go through identical experiences yet view them two entirely different ways. We see based on the way we feel. If we make a decision about something in our head, I can guarantee we will see every little detail that leads us to that pre conceived conclusion. However, if we could overcome ourselves enough to have a serious in depth conversation that would allow us to see that same situation from the different set of eyes, we would not only gain an immense amount of compassion for the other person but we would also see how our behavior along with our individual feelings left us trapped in a place in time stifling the potential growth that could have built our relationships to something greater than we ever imagined.

We forget…

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Social Media in the New Year

Making Time For Me

Every January 1st I go through my Facebook friends. I “unfriend” anyone who isn’t in my real life, I haven’t engaged in real conversation with or hasn’t added something positive to my life.

Family is trickier and for those people, I unfollow. Life is too short to get bogged down on all the negative.

Facebook doesn’t seem to irritate me for this very reason. I’m not afraid to eliminate. I’m honestly only friends with like 10 people from high school and I went to 2 different ones. Only 4 people from my 7 years of college and a handful of old coworkers. Why?? Because, that’s not real life. It’s the past and even though memories are awesome, I’m living in the present ❤

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Extremes Can Be Wildly Entertaining, But Not Really Practical

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Danny

Extremes Can Be Wildly Entertaining, But Not Really Practical

In 2010 I went on a backpack trip to the Caribbean with my buddies Clarke and Galen.  It was such an amazing experience and a trip that I will never, ever forget.  On this trip we befriended a guy named Vinny who owned a bar on Jost van Dyke.  Vinny also owned a boat and we signed up for a day-long excursion to Virgin Gorda, which by small boat is a few hours away.

Our trip there was fun and Virgin Gorda was amazing.  Insert camera noise now…

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This is a photo take at Virgin Gorda.  Left to Right: Galen, myself, Vinny, Clarke and Clarke’s friend Nick (I think)

As fun as the trip TO Virgin Gorda was, the return trip was the opposite.  To get to this island from Jost you have to traverse a channel between Tortola and St. John and then Tortola and Peter Island.  For some reason on our return trip the seas got bad.  We were in a 20 foot boat which is small for the open ocean and the waters became extremely rough, probably 6-7 foot seas.  This might not sound so bad unless you are on a small boat that is struggling to keep its head above water.

We spent a couple of hours battling the waves to get that little boat safely back to the dock on Jost.  The waves beat the bow of the boat and tossed us around like a rag doll.  Vinny was on the throttle working to keep the vessel steady.  Every second felt like an eternity.  When we got tied up Vinny looked at us and said “Boys we escaped death today.”  We all laughed and joked about it, but later that night while sitting at the bar in Corsairs (Vinny’s bar) the reality of what we lived through hit us all.  We actually lived through an exhilarating and scary situation.  It isn’t something I ever want to experience again.  My adrenaline was pumping.  My fear was elevated.  My senses were on high alert.

I am not built for extremes and I don’t believe living in the extremes is a healthy way to live.  Yes the extremes might be fun for a bit, but I have found extreme highs come with extreme lows.  I work to keep my mind out of the extremes and more in the middle.  I try not to get too excited when times are good and I don’t like to get too down when times are tough.

I developed this mindset through learning to play the game of golf.  I am currently a 2 handicap and what allows me to keep my scores down is keeping my mind calm when under pressure.  It is essential to avoid the emotional roller coaster of highs and lows in order to remain calm.

This mindset of living in the middle does not mean that life is dull and boring, but it does mean that I take things in stride.  My view is that you can’t spend every day on the mountain top celebrating and you shouldn’t spend too much time in the valley wallowing in misery.

Just a thought for a rainy Saturday…

Danny