What is the difference between judging and being judgmental?

There is a major difference between judging and being judgmental and I think it is important for more people to begin using their skill of judging.

Each day of our lives we are put in a position to which we must judge.  Webster’s Dictionary defines judging as: to form an opinion or conclude about or assess.  We meet new people and we must judge whether or not the person is safe; are they going to harm me?  We must judge people if for no other reason than to protect ourselves and our loved ones.

I have heard many people exclaim “judging is bad!”.  I completely disagree.  It is my belief that judging is necessary and is a skill which needs to be honed and developed.  If more people used their skill of judging they might find themselves involved in fewer bad situations.

“Don’t judge” is terrible advice and is a phrase that is so overused today that people begin to open themselves up to whatever or whomever happens down the trail.  The more appropriate phrase should be “Don’t be judgmental”.  Being judgmental infers a level of judging people from a moral standpoint or standing in a place of superiority while making said moral or critical disparagement.

It is being judgmental that we must avoid, not judging.  I like to think of judging as a way of comparing others to what we expect of good humans to keep ourselves safe and surrounded by those we can trust and those who will help us better ourselves.

Being judgmental is standing on one’s high horse while looking down on others while displaying overly-critical points-of-view or opinions.

For instance, I meet new people every day in my line of work.  On occasion I’ll meet a person and my sensors go off.  For some reason the person just doesn’t seem trustworthy.  I immediately think to myself to keep this person at arm’s length until I get a better feel for why my “don’t trust” alarms are ringing.   I am comparing them to my experiences in life and how I’ve learned people should act, respond and speak.  In this way judging is a form of discernment; a way for me to filter others and protect myself in the short-term until I get a better sense of the situation or person.

On the other hand, I meet the same person and they light up a cigarette.  As I’m standing there I just cannot believe this person would smoke and my internal conversation goes something like this…

“Don’t they know how bad smoking is for their body?  How intelligent could this person be to continue to smoke knowing they are killing themselves?  I’ll bet they are selfish too.  I wonder what his wife thinks about his smoking and his selfishness?  He probably smokes in his car with his kids.  Good grief what a terrible person this guy must be.”

We have all committed the act of being judgmental and all have had this kind of internal conversation about someone at some point.  Being judgmental is dangerous.  We put ourselves on the pedestal as the jury and look down on someone else while forming an overly-critical opinion.

As we live our lives I suggest we all hone the skill of discernment (judging) and reduce our inclination of being judgmental.

We must protect ourselves and keep our circles tight and secure.  But we shouldn’t allow our beliefs to create a mentality of superiority.  That’s how I see it.  Hope you have a great Thursday!

Danny

The beach life is the life for me…

A while back I wrote a post in which I stated I was leaning more toward becoming a mountain person versus a beach person.  I was wrong.

The long-standing issue has been my battle with heat and its impact on my MS symptoms.  In the last few months my symptoms have been nearly nonexistent (knock on wood) which reinvigorated my love for the shore.  Naples reminded me how much I love the ocean.

Evelina and I are headed to the beach house in Cherry Grove, S.C. weekend after next for a couple of relaxing days and I am excited like a kid at Christmas.  There is a small town north of the house called Southport that has a quaint fishing village feel with plenty of boutiques, restaurants and a ferry.  There’s also a town near the village where my dad grew up called Oak Island and I have so many great memories from my childhood.

When I was a kid we owned a Volkswagen Van and my family would visit Myrtle Beach for vacation.  We would always pitch tents at a campground which is the ultimate awesome adventure for a 10-year-old.  On our last day we would pack up and head to Oak Island for the day.  My dad would tell stories about the island most of which I pass on to Evelina every time we visit.  I love the place.

I am so happy to be able to enjoy the heat and the shore again.  At any rate, I hope everyone has a great Tuesday.  I am spending some time with work friends today and then headed back to Charlotte for the 4th celebration.

Danny

A Quick Update For Those Who Are Interested…

I visited another doctor last week to get a second opinion on my Ulcerative Colitis diagnosis and to get a stronger course of treatment.  This doc is a top digestive physician in the U.S. and he prescribed a medication that I began last night which should get all of my symptoms under control.  It should also allow me to return to a relatively normal eating regimen.

Over the last few weeks I have attempted to add new foods to my diet, but each time I do I develop stomach spasms or digestive issues which causes tremendous pain.  Because of this I have been sticking to mashed potatoes, turkey or chicken, green beans, Nugo bars, water, eggs and grits.  I have 1 cup of 1/2 caf coffee in the morning.  The doctor believes the new medication should allow me to begin eating normally again which is something I am excited about experiencing.

There is one huge downside to all of this and it is a development that hit me out of left field.  I had 5 polyps removed during my procedure back in April and all 5 were pre-cancerous which has my doctor on alert.  According to him there is an outside chance that they have to remove the part of my colon that has the inflammation.  This would solve the UC and cancer problems, but I would live without a large part of my colon.  I’m not overly excited about the possibility although he assures me I would live a normal life.

The idea that I could be facing a cancer battle isn’t appealing to say the least.  Any time a doctor uses the big “C” word they have my full attention, especially as it relates to the colon.  At any rate, Evelina and I are withholding any reaction until we have more info from my next procedure which will allow the doctor to get a better idea of what is going on.

Until then I’ll keep taking this one pill each morning and hope for the best!

Hope everyone has a wonderful Tuesday…

Danny

The Best Thing You Can Do Is To Unplug From Technology…

Back in January I made a simple decision for my own sanity-I unplugged from Facebook and Twitter.  I had become worn out from the feeling that I was bombarded with news and updates of negativity.  I had grown tired of getting roped in to conversations about politics that led to arguments which resulted in adding to my stress level.  Because of the inundation of negativity I stopped using social media completely.

I didn’t have a plan, but figured I would eventually use Facebook like I use salt; a little dab here, another pinch there.  What I found after a while was that I didn’t miss it at all and my quality of life increased.

Next on my list was unplugging from news.  I had grown tired of wrestling with the dilemma of trust.  I didn’t know which news sources were reporting “news” accurately (I surmised none of them) therefore I decided to eliminate them all.

I went cold turkey on eliminating social media and news for over 8 weeks and then added in infrequent use since the end of March.

I don’t add many pictures to Facebook.  I don’t comment a lot.  I don’t follow people.  I unfollowed almost every page to clean up my feed so that I only get posts from people I care about.

So what are my impressions and thoughts after nearly 4 months of minimal social media and even less news?  My quality of life has skyrocketed!  I no longer feel overwhelmed.  I no longer view the world as negatively as I had before.  I am paying more attention to the real world around me.  I spend less time looking at my device when I’m out in public.

In short, I feel happier and less stressed.

My belief is that so much information creates a false impression.  The inundation of information makes people believe that crime and doom are waiting on every corner.  The negative news reporting makes us feel as though there is no good in the world.  News sources report death, destruction, corruption and crime so powerfully that it creates in us a false perception when the truth is that crime per capita in the U.S. is at a 40-year low according to the FBI data crimes department.

Now that I am paying attention to the real world I am noticing that there are a lot of good people in the world.  Sure you see some inconsiderate individuals also, but for the most part people are decent.  For the most part people are normal.

I highly recommend you unplug completely for a while and allow your mind to reset.  I believe you will find your stress level will go down and your mental quality of life will increase.

Try it.  You might find that you actually enjoy the real world.

Danny