I Cry Today

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I divide my life into two distinct categories-my memories prior to 9/11 and life that existed after 9/11. I could not watch today without reliving the emotions of that day as I have every year since. As it is difficult to believe 15 years have passed it is even harder to believe there are college kids who only know of this day through the images that replay and the stories they’ve heard.

Life moves quickly. But for me time seems to stand still when I watch the images from that day. As if my emotions have been stored forever in a capsule that is opened each time I watch the events unfold. They are fresh just as they were that day. The pain is still real. The fear is still there. The overwhelming sadness still robs my soul of compassion.

I want to tell those jumpers that everything will be okay. But I know that is a lie. I’ll try to imagine the desperation they must have felt. The burning pain that must have existed to convince them the only solution was to jump. I want to catch them and hold them. But I cannot.

I cry today as I did 15 years ago.

I still battle the demons inside that wish death of those who perpetrated the attacks. I want them and everyone like them to suffer. But I also know this is not going to bring those who died back to life. So I cry this morning watching the replay as I have every single year since that day. I’ll think about how life is different now compared to then. I’ll thank God above for my wife and family. And then on Monday morning I will go to work and my life will start up once again. I guess that is how it is supposed to go. I guess this is how it is supposed to be.